Not AGAIN

So apparently, I wrote about being rejected yesterday (my novel). Today, I thought I wouldn't need to write about it, but I was WRONG.

Yes, guess what? I GOT REJECTED AGAIN. By another publisher. That probably means that my novel really isn't THAT good (not that I think it's GREAT, but at least OK. But it seems okay isn't good enough). Well it doesn't hurt so much because I sort of expected the answer, just not so soon.

They said I'm not up their standards, and told me to make persistent efforts. Yeah, I sort of knew that. My writing skill isn't THAT good. And I'm not going to say that's because I'm young, age isn't a reason or an excuse for whatever you are. You just need to improve yourself EVERY SINGLE DAY. Which sometimes really do sucks.

But still, I'm still glad they read my thing. Because it's sort of like wasting their time or something. I still have two more publishers to go, though. Even though I already prepare for the outcome-- most probably they'll reject my novel.

I already mentally prepare myself for the worst case scenario, that every publishers reject my novel, saying it's not good enough or not up to their standard. Well, if that really happens, I will post my novel online, chapters by chapters, for you guys out there to read.

I just want my story to be share so badly. Is it wrong? No, it isn't wrong. But maybe it isn't good enough for marketing, so it wouldn't have to be in marketing and stuff, I'll just put it online.

Now I guess I can just cross my fingers and hope. No, not hope. Hopes only crushes you more when you fail. I like to dream about everything, but dreaming beautifully really crushes you when you get disappointed. It's even worse than usual.

I'm brave, but not brave enough for that kind of thing. I only hope I can survive more and more disappointment. But one thing good about me, I'm stupidly stubborn. Sometimes stubborn helps a lot. It's just the vanity that always got in my way. But I always shove that thought away, so I think I'm fine, though.

Lots of people got even worse than me. So no way I'm calling quits. I mean, who doesn't been through disappointments? It's always very very hard to achieve your dream, something will always be in your way. It'll only make you treasure more when you finally reach to your dream, making it even worth it.

So I'm just in the PROCESS of constant disappointment and crushing and stuff. I'll feel worth if one day I get to really published my novel. That'll be damn awesome. Even more than awesome.

For now, I'll like to concentrate on my life. My life already has enough drama without my novel kicking in. Ha. Besides, I still have two more disappointments waiting me in line. One of it replied to me that they are quite busy now, so the soonest I'm going to get an answer is till next month (oh no) and the other hasn't reply my thing.

My head is so going to burst.

Gotta be patient for disappointment. At least I mentally prepared myself already. Sigh.