For a particularly nagger like me, I have no words to describe how I feel right now.
I was unable to sleep a couple of nights before. I lay on my bed at home, sometimes staring at the ceiling wordlessly, and sometimes hid under my blankets with tears pouring down my face, like thunderstorm with raindrops of the size of rice and beans.
Undeniably, I'm terrified and I guess most of us would be. Living in a completely different place isn't as easy as it shown in all sort of TV shows. Talk about stupid, how can you actually trust TV shows?It's their lives, not yours. How can you possibly live your live in someone else's way?
Anyway, like I said I'm moving into the hostel on Saturday. Today's Saturday, and I'm sitting here all alone in this tiny room with limited internet access (because I used up all my data, so the freaky thing is so damn slow right now). Okay, not all alone, since I have a roommate who happens to be my best buds. So yeah, I bet it's colorful if we got into a huge fight over something, eventually.
Today is sort of a disaster to me. Not particularly an auspicious start. First of all, we were sort of late for the check in. Everybody was so tired the night before (my eyes were sore from all the crying when I started to cry last night and my brother held my hand and told me not to cry. Yep, I cried even harder) and we got up late this morning. After breakfast, it's already 11 o'clock in the morning. We managed to get here by one something, but the queue was so long we had to wait almost for an hour before our turn to check in.
You can say it's traumatic and tiring.
Then we only had an hour to unpack my stuffs and that practically mean that we're almost unable to finish the task before my mom had to leave the hostel room, since the parents can only stayed up until 4 pm. But thank God we're able to finish before mom had to leave.
We had lunch before my family left. For the first time in a very long time, I couldn't really taste what I ate. Food was blend and tasteless, and all I could think was how my family were going to leave me in this big, unfamiliar, strange city and went home to my dearest hometown.
I never thought how much I love Muar until today.
Or rather, I love Muar because it's the place I grew and it's the place where my family lived since I was a toddler. I just missed my family so bad, and it's hard to think that life's going to be like this when time flies on.
That I'm never, ever going to be that little girl who my daddy constantly made fun of by tickling her face with his stubby chin before work. Instead, I'm now a big girl living in somewhere I really, really don't want to be in.
I so hate myself for wanting to go for January intake before, when I apparently can't accept the fact that I'm not living with my family anymore.
Call me stupid and young, but I'd admit, I'm a momma's girl. The one who always like to stick by my mother's side and listen to everything she has to say. I just like to listen to her voice and her laughter, and I really going to miss that a lot.
Sure there's phone and everything, now that technology is so advanced. But they're not here with me, in flesh, you know. It's just different from what I used to have.
Anyway, when I was devastated over the fact that my family had left, I found out that we're supposed to pay the tuition fees but we didn't. I was frantic as the deadline was actually really near. So I was freaking out a lot and didn't finish my dinner because I was so nervous. It's just my dad was my anchor in everything like this before, and now I just have to deal with these by myself, which was hard.
That problem aside, I still miss my family so badly.
I couldn't bring myself to watch my dad's car to pull away from the school and I was holding back the tears so hard in my eyes so that the others living in the hostel would not laugh at me because I'm weak. Though I think that's not weak at all. It's not weak to miss your family. But still, I don't wanna look like I'm seven instead of seventeen. I still need my dignity to survive in here.
I don't know what else to say anymore. I'm way too upset to. I hope things will turn out fine and the tuition fees problem can solved as smoothly as possible. That's what I'm hoping, really.
Till next time people.
xx
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