Recent Stuffs and Thoughts

I'm not writing a journal entry here, but still, I'm recording some parts of my day down. Today is kinda a special day for me, since my friend asked me to perform with her for the IU closing ceremony thing today. So yeah, I didn't say no, and I was in for the performance today. It's kinda fun, though, if I set my nerves and my worries apart (hello, I'm BORN a worrier, not warrior though, too bad). I mean, it's hard not to worry, because we only practiced for like, a few days, literally. It'll be better if I'm doing this with someone I know really well so we like, know each others' thoughts or something (hello, Sylvia) but I'm actually doing it with friends that I'm not that close with, certainly a challenge for me. Maybe this wasn't a challenge for them, since they seemed easy to know, but I'm kinda that "cold" person (I know this doesn't show in my words, but trust me).

But it's nice to know new people though. Fun, even. I'm not that kind of "adventurous" person, but yeah, it's nice though. Ever since I promised (sort of) that I'd be in the performance, I kept doubting myself that if I'd made a wrong decision. I kept questioning myself that if I really can do it? Will I mess up the whole thing and ruin it? I mean, if I embarrassed only myself, then it's fine. I just don't want to embarrassed those who worked with me too. But thank God, that I didn't mess up anything and in fact it was fun (though I look serious, really? Aw, I'm BORN with this face, not my choice though). I kept convinced myself that if I missed this I'll blame myself for the rest of my life. Sounded serious huh? But this is the truth... hehehe (what's wrong with me????)

I mean, life's too short so I have to cherish every chance I have to do the things I don't really dare or dying to do. If not, life's wasted. I'm only sixteen (a few more days to freaking seventeen) and I'm supposed to be wild and stupid and do crazy things. But the thing is, I'm not that kind of crazy, you know. I have my own boundaries and maybe it's because I'm raised that way. So please don't force my to do things I say no, because I only say no when I mean it (like that time my brother forced me to watch basketball youtube video and I was screaming my head off "NOOOOO", and that's your cue, dude). Okay this sounds a little old and cliche and weird and awkward, let's just stop here.

And recently I think I have to rewind a little bit about my "wish", that I want to record my songs and place them in YouTube whatsoever by my birthday. I mean, it's an unrealistic goal. I'm going to be seventeen next Wednesday, so it's not like I have time or energy to do that anymore. It's more realistic to do stuffs I like after SPM because dreams matter, but future also matters, too. So, I'm going to a mama's girl, be good and study. And speaking of that: I HAVEN'T STUDY FOR A FEW DAYS ALREADY I AM SO SO SO SO SO SO DOOM!! 

Ciao. Laters. (Too much Fifty? xoxo)