Lucky?

Hello people! 

First of all, I wanna thank all of you who read my last post and watch my videos and give me comments about it! I really appreciate them all and it's good to know there's someone out there who likes my music, however small amount the people there is. If you haven't watch the original song or the blog post regarding the back story of the song, you can click HERE for the video and HERE for the blog post. Don't worry, I won't make you bleed through your ears so you can go check both of those out. 

Enough of the advertising and promoting of my new video, here comes what I wanna discuss today. Or rather, just voice up my opinion. Not sure if this is going to be a long post because I need to head back to college just in the matter of half an hour for a welcoming party of a volunteer club, but let's see what I can do in mere half an hour.

If you are a follower or a constant reader of my little blog, you'd know that in March I wrote about a post named "March" and also another late night post of me feeling extremely weak and the one that stated that I was feeling happier. To be completely honest, I feel fine right now. Happy, even. So thank you for sharing my pain by reading those painfully long and tedious posts of mine. 

In the post "March", I wrote about my SPM results and how well it turned out to be. And the other post stated how much it stressed me out to be label as a "top student" and stuffs, because I feel like I'm not one of those "smarty pants" but rather the one who got lucky. 

Yes. I'd admit myself that my results involved a lot of luck and of course, God's grace (sorry if you're not religious), but not just recently, a lot of people after knowing my results have two kinds of reactions. Let's just divide these people into two main groups: one that knows me since secondary school and the other one that knows me since college. Those who know me since college think that I'm really smart to get such good results whereas those who know me since secondary school (well, a lot of them) claimed that I'm lucky. I know I'm lucky, I know I am. But really, do the excellency of my results based solely on luck? Then what am I without luck? Nothing? A person that can't achieve anything in life?

I know most of them said that out of kindness and some, jealousy. I can't really blame them since the impression I gave them during my secondary school years was that I was a slacker. I really was. I hardly paid any attention in class, I ditched school quite often, I never ever did my homework and I was not in the "top ten" list in my class. In short, I never did anything that proved my intelligence and hardworking to reap such results (I know there're a lot of people out there who got even better results than me but hey, this is already considered great to me). I was also never the one who'd tell people that I didn't study at all and study the shit out of myself at home, deceiving everyone. No, that's just plain wrong and I'm not that unethical.  

Okay. Here's the thing. Even though I constantly said that I got this result by being lucky, I don't like that phrase "yeah, you're lucky" slammed right into my face. Sometimes I said that I'm lucky to avoid conflict and to make the other person feels better because he/she had worked even harder than me but didn't have the luck to get better results than me. No offense, but that was me being nice then truthful in this blog post. I'm sometimes so sick of people claimed that I'm lucky till I wanna yell at them: "What? All that I have was just luck???" 

I admit, this is quite contradictory to my previous post where I said that all I gained was just fluke. Okay, maybe some part of it, but when I said I'm a slacker, that doesn't mean that I slacked every single minute of my life. Do you know how it hit me when I knew that it's only a week from some kind of important examinations, then I sort of freaked out and started to cram whatever is important into my head? Do you know that I stayed up in order to flip through everything and to make myself remember all the major points? Yes, maybe I don't need to study as much as you do, but that doesn't mean that I don't need to study at all. My procrastination may be going really strong, but that procrastination made me worked even harder the night before examinations, just because I knew I was so doomed the next morning. 

Those are not luck. As little as my efforts might seemed to be, I did something that can contribute to some part of my results. Do you know how hard it is to study maths just by reading them? Yeah, that's a result of my procrastination because I was lazy to do maths, I needed to cram them all in my head by reading them. I knew how much I had to pay for not constantly studying and revising, but I did try my best to salvage as much as I could. That's effort for me to you. 

You can't compare your study hours to mine. A lot of people asked me how on earth I could score an okay mark in my internal school examinations when I spent the night before the examinations watching Criminal Minds. Here's my not-so-secret secret: I used my brain. I used common sense and I used logic in answering my questions. Also, I'm willing to lose small marks in order to salvage huge marks. For instance, I hate memorizing definitions and unless you have a photographic memory, you can't remember every single damn thing you cram down when there's so much more important things to remember. What I do is I gave up on the marks for the definitions parts (where it only made me lose one or two marks utmost) and concentrate on the important points. I didn't memorize the whole damn thing down too, I remember points and I formed logical explanation in my head. That's how I remember things, by making sense of them, not memorizing them.

So let's say, you need two days to remember all the things in a few chapters and I only need one day to completely understand and digest them without memorizing; can you really compare our rate in studying? No, you can't. Because the way we study is completely different. So, no, you can't say I got lucky because I never study; it's because I don't need to spend so much time on studying and I only need a little time to digest them down and then during examinations, I don't vomit out everything from the textbooks or notes given; I used my own words and sentences to explain and construct. That's why I can afford to be lazy even more than you do (though it backfired me a lot of times, ouch).

I know it also requires luck in scoring good grades, because like me, I didn't study everything but still manage to get good grades partially is because the topics I studied came out in the test (that's luck to you and me) and partially because I used logic and common sense in answering. Logic and common sense may not gain you full marks, but at least they won't left you with a miserable zero. 

Now that you get my point (hopefully), you get why I got offensive when people claimed that it was luck that made me get good results. It's not pure luck (I'm not denying there's luck, there's a certain amount of it), but rather my little efforts and common sense. I don't get the results I get because I'm "only lucky". Please don't say that to me ever again (but you'll still hear me say that I'm lucky because hello, to explain why I got what I got is this long, how long do you want to hear me bullshitting about all these stuffs?) that I'm only lucky. You can say that I'm lucky and that my brain helped too, or just don't say anything at all. Discussing my results with me might not end up good but rather awkward because I got better results than you and you're not feeling okay (some of you, not all okay? Please don't take unnecessary offense) and of course, my results can be linked to my depressed-stagey and existential crisis I was having quite a while ago. I seriously don't want to relive those. 

(I still have mood swings, but they're somehow getting a little bit better. Even though I wanted to crawl under my bed and never go out again, I encouraged myself to and it worked, thankfully. So don't worry, if you're.)

Half an hour time is up! I gotta go now though what I really want now is to get some sleep then have a hearty dinner later. But too late, I signed up for that and have no one but myself to blame.

Till next time people.

xx