Hello people!
If you'd notice on your way clicking in this post, you must have notice the title. That's right, I did another original song on my YouTube channel and it's up now! How exciting for me since it's been a really long while since I did a singing video (apart from a few short clip on my Instagram) because I'm busying coping with college and life. If you wanna go check it out, here's a link for you:
Today is the day I said to myself that I must do a video no matter what happened. Then something did happen. Recently it was kinda the rain season over here in South Malaysia (where my hometown is located in) and it always rain during late afternoons and sometimes at night. I planned to get up early to finish a video but too bad, I overslept. Well, I knew I'd overslept but I let myself to get more sleep because I was reading a new book till 3 am in the morning. Then when I filmed the video in the afternoon, it rained so badly I had to wait for the period where the rain was not that heavy to actually filmed a video with better audio. But the audio still kinda sucks because I don't like my voice and I used my phone.
Well, well. That's not a bait for you guys to click in. What a good job, Maggie. Hmm.
Anyway, I rarely filmed any of my videos when my family is around but today seemed to be the exception since I missed the morning session where everyone was out and busy so I had to make it up in the afternoon when my mom was in the room sewing and my dad downstairs trying very hard to keep quiet because I asked him to. I was thinking that nah, then I needn't to do a video to embarrass myself in front of my family. Mind you, I'm quite shy and I don't like to sing in front of people. Video is another business because first of all, not many people will watch it and second of all, it's video, not real life. But then I had that... urge to do a video and I couldn't ignore that because that'd be wrong. For me, though,
Enough of my bullshitting and let's get to business.
I wrote this song this February. I was feeling really down and that's how this song made its way through me. I didn't write a lot of songs this year and I was worried that maybe I couldn't produce anymore music anymore, or I'd lost my muse. The main concern I was having was that I'd lost my passion I used to do a lot in my life due to the new-found busyness.
College at first for me was really hard, but not academically at first. It was hard because I was away from home and I don't like that feeling of being away. Then the pressure of meeting new people and adapting into a new life really made me depressed. I felt like I couldn't fit in and the whole world was laughing at me for being such a loser. I missed home and my friends so much I literally die a little inside. Then when I got back my first psychology test and it was only 58 marks, I felt the whole world went grey, though now looking back I feel like I was so stupid.
That one night I thought how big of a failure I was, the lyrics starting to pop out of my head and I jotted them down. A little by a little, I started to feel better on the inside. After finishing the song I felt like I untied a huge load from my body and left it behind me forever.
Verse one was about how I struggled on holding on to everything that seemed to be too overwhelming and for the second verse I felt like the whole world had abandoned me and that all my expectations and dreams were crushed and shattered. For the chorus, I was projecting more of how I considered myself to be an epic failure and that if I got a second chance, I'll do things right. Don't ask me by the definition of right. By then my definition of right was staying back home and do form 6, which my father'd have hated that idea. The definition of right for me now is not to procrastinate so much and excel in my studies, which you know is kinda hard to achieve because come on, how can I not procrastinate? It's so hard.
Okay, enough of me keep telling you guys how lazy I am as a human being, let's once again get back to business. Here are the lyrics for you guys to see (or judge).
LYRICS:
I'm sinking
Underwater
Find it hard
To breathe
I'm trying to hold on
But feeling smaller
Hiding like
A ghost
*Yelling stop
Yelling stop
#Give me another chance
I'll do it right
Give me another moment
I'll shine so bright
But the hope and light
Just slipped right through
And I'm losing sight
of what is true
Just please
Help whoa whoa whoa
They're happy
To see me fall
I find it hard
To crawl
Expectations crushed
Dreams shattered
Running scared
To the darkness
*
#
Thoughts scattered around
Don't get to hear a sound
I'm free falling
And I'll be here to fight
I know I still gotta try
Looking for excuse
Feeling useless
I'm free falling
#
Don't worry, I'm feeling much more positive than the song lyrics right now. Well I guess it's because I'm back home already but have to get back today afternoon (it's midnight now). Too bad. I don't wanna face life up there.
I'll try to make more videos but let's just see if I can. No promises but I'll sure do videos in the future, the only question is when.
I hope you guys like my song despite my sometimes-weird singing voice and the audio and stuffs.
Till next time people.
xx
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