The End of August

I know I should be studying right now, instead of blogging. But I feel really guilty because I haven't blog for, like, a hundred million years. I'm convinced myself to write something new on my blog just now. My brother sort of gave me this idea of using the computer (I use my retarded tab recently instead of computer to avoid the "11A+" sticker I stuck on the CPU so I won't feel guilty to get online) because he practically forced me out of the comfort of my bed to accompany him while he is storming away on the poor piano. And singing so loudly my eardrums are in serious pain. But I'm not going to say anything about it, so shh.

I can't believe it's the end of August right now. I still feel like it's the start of August, when I'm blissfully ignoring the fact that the trial is coming soon... and now I'm sitting for it. Practically, I'm in the middle of my stupid trial exams and I'm trying very hard not to think about it right now, just in case my head explodes like a smashed watermelon. I had my English paper today, so there's like 7 subjects--not to mention 15 papers left. It's a complete nightmare, to think that I have the ACTUAL exams waiting for me in November. Pah.

How odd that I'm leaving my secondary school life in another three months. Not to be cliche but time really does fly past me quickly during my secondary school years. I remember being a primary school student, constantly sulking because time was way too slow. Then all of a sudden, WHAMMO, I'm on my way to college. Scary, huh? I guess time will fly even faster when I'm in college (God, I sound so old).

I dreaded my Chinese papers yesterday and I don't even dare to think what kind of result I'm going to get for that subject. It seems a little ironic that everyone seems to think that my Chinese is excellent just because I won a national prize for the Chinese novel I wrote. It was a total shock for me, honest. Like I mentioned in my previous posts that, even though I have a thing for writing (in both English and Chinese), I have sort of give up on being "good" in my Chinese writings and all that. Because according to most people, my writing style is quite good but not great. I don't use bombastic words and all that in my writings because, to be completely honest, I hate them. Anyway, they're a lot of discouraging words and last year I got rejected by a few publishers for my novel. That prize, for me, is a HUGE surprise. (note that I use present tense)

I remember I was sitting in class, doing my usual stuffs when a couple of my fellow classmates rushed over with huge grins on their faces while telling me my Chinese teacher was looking for me and that I won something. My palms instantly sweated up and my heart was hammering inside of my chest but I was all cool on the surface, like oh-I'm-a-jaded-teen-who-won't-get-excited-winning-a-stupid-prize when I'm anything but that. I'm such a faker (and the fakers gonna fake fake fake fake fake fake). Then I went into the teacher's office and told myself don't get my hopes up high, and to be completely honest, my hopes are super duper high.

Fast forward to the day I went to JB to receive my state-level prize for the novel and found out that I won the national prize as well!!!!! I was totally freaking out and my brain went all blank and on the inside I was like, what? WHAT?!? but on the outside, I still kept my cool (FAKE FAKE FAKE). The teacher kept asking me if I was happy about it and I shrugged all-so-nonchalantly and said yeah why not. BUT I WAS REALLY TRULY FREAKING OUT AND EVERYTHING ELSE WAS A COMPLETE DAZE TO ME EVEN TILL NOW.

Actually, the reason I entered this competition was because I wanted the state-level certificate. I really didn't expect to win anything. Anything at all. I mean, hello, I finished my piece in, like, an hour and without double checking I sent it to my teacher and she said it was bloody horrible and I was like what the hell but did not change my plot or whatsoever and there we sent it and I forgot all about it till the day I got the news I was like f*** (oopsie). Anyway, what the teacher meant with "bloody horrible" was my plot. I wrote about a serial killer and FBI agents and all those stuffs. Well, yadda yadda, those are my fascinations, of course I wrote about it. Maybe the tongue-cutting part scared the hell out of my teacher (and a couple of my friends, some couldn't even finish reading because it's too scary... jeez).

I guess I got a little carried away. But it is really good to get those off my chest since I was playing nonchalance ever since then. Anyway, the English papers today was okay, except for the novel part, I didn't know what the hell was I writing. It's embarrassing to say that I'm a lit student when I sort of suck at the school novel. But hey, I was sort of good in Fahrenheit 451! And I supposed, Julius Caesar (ugh).

Anyway, it's late now and I have Lit class tomorrow, not to mention piano lesson (major crap). So I guess this is my goodbye. Goodbye and maybe see you after my spm or something. Sigh.