The Story I Wrote

No, please don't get confused by the tittle, I'm not writing a story in here. It's just about something I wrote a while before as I'm intending to enter a Chinese novel-writing competition. Actually, I'm not even sure that's a novel, maybe a short story writing competition since it has a limit to 3000 words, which is a pain in my ass since 3000 words can hardly express anything (probably because I'm a nagger).

The reason I enter this competition is not because I'm not a competitive person and stuff (hell no), but because I want to earn some co-curricular marks so that it will somehow look good (sort of) for my college apps and all. Since I was a lazy-boner back then (now too), I hardly enter any extra-curricular activities to boost my curricular marks. In other words, I'm sort of a ghost in my clubs and all that (heaven knows why I'm the vice-president for the library club, but hey, at least I have a little marks from there) and in Malay, I called myself as "ahli mati", which--roughly translate--is "dead member", but whatever.

Actually, it's also a good excuse for me to get into the competition (though it's sort of true that I really need extra curricular activities, or I'll so suck in my college apps) yadda yadda yadda. If you read my posts before, you'd know that I actually sort of have a phobia of writing novels and stories (though I write them all the time... double standards?) and I'm so not going to nag about the stuffs I nagged before here. But though I'm afraid to write and dwell over how bad I wrote every single moment (it sucks a lot) and being so self-conscious all the time, I still enjoy to write. A lot. That's why I'm stubborn enough to convince myself to enter this competition and write the hell out of myself since it won't hurt to enter a competition (nationwide, I'm freaking out), and of course, being a published author had always been one of my dreams till I sort of "fell" and got hit by reality, and I decided that I'll keep on writing but never dream again that I'll be able to take writing as my career and stuff. Well, why keep up hopes when you know you can't have it?

Anyway, the story I wrote is about a pair of twin. Cliche, but whatever. The older one keeps outshine the younger one of the pair, and the only way the younger one to get notice is to be a total whack job (rebel, haha) and they got into a huge fight (one-way though, since it's only the younger one who kept yelling and stuff) and the older one mentioned about the younger one didn't have to worry about being outshine anymore since this will be over soon yadda yadda yadda. And then only it turns out that the older one had brain cancer and she died and the younger one never ever looked into the mirror because all she could see was a murderer and stuff. Okay, it's pretty cliche, but whatever. The teacher said it's too predictable (like I don't know) and somehow she wishes the ending can be a little "surprising" and a little suspense and stuff in it.

Yeah. Surprising and suspense. Did I mention that the last story I handed to her was about a serial killer who pulled off victims tongues and killed them? Yeah, she said the story was too violent and hard to relate to and she wanted me to write something teenagers can actually relate about like family and friendship and stuff. And now that I wrote about a pretty lame family story, she said I need more suspense in my story. I guess I can't please everyone (since some people are claiming that they like how I phrased the whole thing) but if the teacher really wants me to place some surprise and twist the ending, I can only think of the bloody ones because I watched too many reruns of Criminal Minds (serial killers, ta-da).

If I'm going to twist the ending, it'll probably goes like this: the older one killed the younger one because she's an ungrateful bitch and she had enough. Or: the younger one went dig up the older's body and carried with her all the way and killed people who found out that she was carrying a rotten corpse around. Even: The younger one killed the older one and pretended to be her. Or they both committed suicide and became best buds, as in ghosts. I guess they're not ideal enough to be some sort of good ending my teacher wanted. Teacher wanted me to tone down the violence and blood and fight and stuff, so I don't think if I really change my ending and make the younger one a killer/sadist/serial killer/psychopath who likes to torture people by cutting off the limbs one by one and removing their body parts one by one and let them bled to death and she ate the rest of the bodies, my teacher will actually accept this kind of "violence". Since it'll be unhealthy for youths to read this kind of bloody stuff (or is it?).

So, I think I'll better stick with my plain old, cliche ending and story line since it's the most normal I can get, since it won't be exactly pleasant if the protagonist of my story actually ate her sister eyeballs and grill her fingers into a nice, crispy snack.

Nuh-uh. That'll be way gross.

Another Random Post (actually I ran out of post titles... shh)

What I can really say is this blog better be grateful because I update this blog sooner than I update my journal (no peeps) as the first test was just over this very morning. Well, technically it's not the FIRST test (because as seniors we have revision test during February, so that's our REAL first test, but whatever) I have this year, but whatever, it's cancerous as the other tests or exams or whatever. (Gosh I tend to use the term 'whatever' too often, but WHATEVER)

Just when I thought that there's no such thing as result papers for the revision test, presto! There's freaking one. And when I saw the paper, I was like "what the xxxx" literally, though I hardly voice up any profanities USUALLY, I did that day (forgive me Lord, I was too excited, or freaking out, in my own sense). 

Not to brag, but I was no.8 in my class (of 42 pupils) and I was of course freaking out. My mind blanked and the first thing I could think of was I WAS FREAKING HALLUCINATING. But I wasn't. And I don't think I got to that place because I'm smart (no, of course not) but because most of the smart kids in my class didn't really take the stupid test SERIOUSLY. I mean, they're all in for the midterms, and I'm the only idiot who studied (okay, A LITTLE. There, I confessed) for this tiny test. But what I want to say isn't that I got good results or whatsoever, but that THE PRESSURE IS ON ME BECAUSE I GOT GOOD RESULTS BEFORE I CAN'T GET TOO BAD RESULTS FOR THIS STUPID FIRST TEST OR SECOND TEST I DON'T KNOW.

Phew. I guess too much caps, huh? But that's what's boiling inside of me. I mean if I freaking get twenty something in this test... well, THAT surely make a HUGE difference, doesn't it? Not that my parents mind or I do, but seriously, my ego can't take it that well. (It's my ego's problem, not me)

Anyway, this test is over and I'm trying my best not to dwell on it. But really, I think my BM and Bio and Chinese and Chemistry are going DOWN. I mean, BM (Malay, if you don't know) is cancerous. To me anyway, since I really suck in the grammar part where I think EVERYTHING is correct, even the wrong ones. As for Chinese, well, NO COMMENT. But for Biology and Chemistry, I can only hope that the teachers will be kind and whatsoever so I won't get B for them. Arrrrrrggggghhhhhhh. 

You can see I didn't mention about Additional Mathematics because for some God knows reasons, I actually know how to do. But know how to do doesn't indicate that the answer is right. But still, I'm counting on it to at least be a A- or something. OH PLEASE GOD MAKE IT HAPPEN PLEASSSEEEEEEE.

Oh, and yesterday I saw a post that's kinda sad (for me). There's a website (I forgot the website's name, you know, short-term memory. Goodbye history) saying that it's sad for the missing flight (MH370, pray for the family and passengers and crews and everything) because they've never heard of Malaysia. And for your information (if you're from another country), I'm a Malaysian. And that means I'm from Malaysia. Yes, and please, no, don't ask me about the "coconuts" thingy (if you know what I mean) and e-mail me about ANYTHING about the missing flights because I only get the latest information from the news like you guys do. But it's really kinda sad that my country is known because of an unfortunate incident (sensitive topic, you know) and not through amazing stuffs like, oh I don't know, what?

Okay, and it's about time for me to stop because you know how I can nag like an old hag or something. Though what I really wanted to say is: PLEASE MOM, BUY A NEW PHONE SO I CAN USE YOUR RECORDING SYSTEM TO RECORD MY SONGS AND BUILD UP MY GUTS TO DO YOUTUBE VIDEOS OR I DON'T KNOW MAYBE SOUNDCLOUD.

And that's all for today's blog. Thank you.

(Why the hell I sounded like a news reporter????????) 

I'm driving myself CRAZY

This has to be a short one because I'm breaking all the rules just to write this down. But I figured it's been quite a time since I write in here, so yeah. A quick one, I promise.

I'm quite stressed out recently (not to mention keep freaking out) because I have two freaking exams waiting for me round the corner. Not to mention my brother keeps annoy the hell out of me. Though one of the exams is just a simple school test, I can still freak out over it, because I'm way too lazy to study anything. So I have to be like "Oh my God, how am I going to finish all these shits in such a short time?" or "I so hate myself. WHY DIDN'T I STUDY BEFORE?"

Yeah, I know it's a SMALL test, but if I mess the shit up, I'll have depression and feel extremely guilty and all... for quite a short time actually. Since Criminal Minds can always cheer me up (yeah!). And my song-writing. Okay, that aside, first.

Anyway, I have to keep my head in the game (study) and hopefully won't fail all my subs... Okay, okay. I'm just hoping I won't get any C (B is quite acceptable, I think) for this exam. I mean, if I get a C in a test, what am I going to get for a MAJOR exam? Touche, right?

And my other exam is quite HUGE. It's my music theory exam. And I just finished my trial exam few days before and I'm going to get my results TODAY. I'm SO freaking out. This is as bad as getting a C in Additional Mathematics. Or studying History. Whichever. I'm so SCARED that I'm going to fail this trial (and the real exam, of course). Because to actually take the exam, you have to PAY for it. And it surely isn't cheap at all. So, naturally and rationally, sure as hell I don't wanna fail. Argh. I'm so freakingly freaking out right now. Even my words don't make sense anymore.

I don't know why but I think I'm crazy now. I can't think (that's probably because my brother's smashing the piano just right behind me). I think this is for now. I can't think RATIONALLY now.

Crossing my fingers now: PLEASE DON'T LET ME FAIL ANYTHING