Growing up

Growing up, for me, is to learn to live with disappointment in life. To learn that things ain't always that great, that sometimes clouds will take over the sun, and that haze is a constant part of it. To some, maybe making decisions aren't hard at all, and maybe they know what their goals are, and they have something to work after.

You know how when you picture how your life will go when you're young? Like, you get good results and straight into a college, finding someone, marry and have children, maybe one day you'll sit hand in hand with your soul mate on a porch swing, both grey-haired and wrinkled, watching your grandchildren fooling around? But growing up is a part that break out all your fantasies, make you realize that we are only human, and the ultimate decision and path of your life lies in the hand of God, and you have to obey, no matter what.

I do picture how my life will go, back when I was a kid. You know, when you're a kid, you have nothing to worry for. You know that your daddy will patch everything back up if something goes wrong, and you can always snuggle into your mommy's embrace whenever you're blue. And that your little brother is so cute that you can't picture him to be such an ass these days (laughs).

I was sort of rich before. When I was young. And you know, you don't have to worry a thing, when you're in a situation like that. So I didn't. And I'm surely not going to ramble about my measly problems here (cause world hunger is much more worse than what I'm dealing with right now) or my stupid past because I'm not ancient, for crying out loud. It's just that, somehow, I pictured my life before as smooth, happy and all that. Sure as hell I didn't picture constant disappointment and poverty (not much, but still). 

Anyway, what I learn from growing up is that dream is always a dream, and never reality. I know people fight hard for their dreams, and sure a part of them end up successful. But really, most of them fell, and never resurface ever again. It's not that dream isn't important, it is, but reality is where you live in.

I must say, growing up sucks. If I can, I'll stay three forever, so I won't have to worry a single shit happen in my life. Or that to live with disappointment that your dream is just plain dreaming, and you don't have the talent for it. It sucks. But hey, I'm learning to learn with disappointment. I mean, you don't go jump off a building when something goes off, right? You still have to live, and why not make it better? Stop letting your stupid ego and thoughtless dreams blind you, and that's what I'm doing to myself. Yeah.

Growing up, I hate you.