War

The wind is howling, the trees ruffling along. The little cottage seems fragile compare to the fierce storm outside, as the purplish sky gleams. The rain is pelting hard against the thin glass, the curtains flare a little though the window is shut down tight. It is eerie, indeed, but her expression never wavers even once. Her eyes are sorrowful as her delicate brows tighten and her full lips twist into a frown. She is so still, almost a statue, or a delicate china doll. Her feather-like eyelashes quiver, a tear rolls out.

The clock is ticking away on the dull wall, indicating every passing second. Her heart rhymes with the ticking, her breath shallow. She looks out of the window at the howling storm, her expression varies between hesitant and hope, and somehow, she is expecting the woods will show a sign of life.

The fire is crackling softly, drawing soft, warm patterns in the fireplace. The warmth is comforting, but yet, her heart is cold without seeing. In her hands, there is a photo of her and a young, charming man. A man is fighting out there in the cold war, a man whose fate is lie in God's hand. He's alive or dead? She doesn't know, and she doesn't dare to think of the odds.

The crumpled papers beside her is marred, screaming: The War Is Over, The Peace Is Here.

Yes, the war is over. Victory, peace, harmony, happy-ever-after. Politicians laughing, people celebrating, children smiling. Mothers crying with joy seeing her son after such a long war, wives break down in their husbands' embraces, their hearts fill with gratifying. But, where is he? He is also gone, but his future unknown. The war is over, and where is he now?

She hugs the photo and feels his warmth. She remembers exactly how he smiles, his white teeth gleaming across his full lips, his eyes will crinkle up and twinkle. How he kisses her softly on the cheek, telling her that he loves her, no matter what. She misses him, and that isn't enough. Where is he?

The door creaks, her tear-stained face snaps up, her eyes widen involuntary, those violets are fill up with tears once again. She mouth drops into a small O, and the photo slips away from her hand, drop onto the couch with a soft thud.

The wind blows through the open door. Her white dress ruffles along the wind, as her long, brownish hair billows like ribbons. She stands there motionless for a few moment, to let her eyes appreciate what she is looking at right now. To ensure that she isn't hallucinating all along.

There he is. Standing right in front of her, mud-stained with the army suit on. But there he is, safe and sound. His strong jaw and tall figure are still how she remembers them. He takes a step front, and she breaks down, crying and smiling  both at the same time. He kneels before her, pulling her into his strong arms, holding here there like an infant. She grasps him in her arms, feeling him really here, safe and alive in her embrace.

He kisses her hair, and she inhale his familiar scent. He's here, he's here, he's here, she keeps murmuring to herself.

I'm here, he whispers in her ears. I'm here.

I miss you, she whispers and smiles.

A new tear rolls out, and it washes away the past.

They are going to start anew, a new future for them.

Growing up

Growing up, for me, is to learn to live with disappointment in life. To learn that things ain't always that great, that sometimes clouds will take over the sun, and that haze is a constant part of it. To some, maybe making decisions aren't hard at all, and maybe they know what their goals are, and they have something to work after.

You know how when you picture how your life will go when you're young? Like, you get good results and straight into a college, finding someone, marry and have children, maybe one day you'll sit hand in hand with your soul mate on a porch swing, both grey-haired and wrinkled, watching your grandchildren fooling around? But growing up is a part that break out all your fantasies, make you realize that we are only human, and the ultimate decision and path of your life lies in the hand of God, and you have to obey, no matter what.

I do picture how my life will go, back when I was a kid. You know, when you're a kid, you have nothing to worry for. You know that your daddy will patch everything back up if something goes wrong, and you can always snuggle into your mommy's embrace whenever you're blue. And that your little brother is so cute that you can't picture him to be such an ass these days (laughs).

I was sort of rich before. When I was young. And you know, you don't have to worry a thing, when you're in a situation like that. So I didn't. And I'm surely not going to ramble about my measly problems here (cause world hunger is much more worse than what I'm dealing with right now) or my stupid past because I'm not ancient, for crying out loud. It's just that, somehow, I pictured my life before as smooth, happy and all that. Sure as hell I didn't picture constant disappointment and poverty (not much, but still). 

Anyway, what I learn from growing up is that dream is always a dream, and never reality. I know people fight hard for their dreams, and sure a part of them end up successful. But really, most of them fell, and never resurface ever again. It's not that dream isn't important, it is, but reality is where you live in.

I must say, growing up sucks. If I can, I'll stay three forever, so I won't have to worry a single shit happen in my life. Or that to live with disappointment that your dream is just plain dreaming, and you don't have the talent for it. It sucks. But hey, I'm learning to learn with disappointment. I mean, you don't go jump off a building when something goes off, right? You still have to live, and why not make it better? Stop letting your stupid ego and thoughtless dreams blind you, and that's what I'm doing to myself. Yeah.

Growing up, I hate you. 

Hell, it's 2014 (HELP)

As it seems on the title, yes, I'm not feeling terribly excited for this new year, because this year is my last year in high school, and that means PRESSURE. Yeah, it seems like only a few months ago before I'm a freaky freshman (cliche, but not exactly) and now, OMG, I'm still a freak (no less) but a senior. SENIOR, in high school. It seems a pretty big thing, but no, I don't feel anything special about it. I mean, I don't go around like Rapunzel sweeping floor with my extra-long blonde hair and singing about new day new hope or something like that. I look at myself in the mirror, and I'm still the old me. Nothing change, not much, anyway.

And you know, new years are about resolutions, and hell, I never really accomplish one before (guilty, not so). People tend to write a long list about less TVs, more work, less food, more exercises and stuffs. Well, I kept my old resolutions (I even did new month resolutions, never really finish it, anyway) in my journals, and sure as hell I'm not showing anyone, because it's embarrassing. Anyway, I'm not that particularly greedy this new year and I just have one tiny resolution on my list. And it's not that embarrassing about this one, so I guess I'll share it. The major problem isn't setting this resolution on my list, but to actually finish (or accomplish, whatever) it. I mean, I sometimes give up things very easily (unless it's something I really like, for example, my novel and CRIMINAL MINDS), partly (okay, mostly) because of my damn laziness. Which brings us to my resolution this year. Okay, here goes nothing:

MAGGIE'S NEW YEAR RESOLUTION (PLEASE GOD, MAKE THIS HAPPEN):

1) STOP BEING LAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Phew, I'm finished.

Yes, it's clear enough right now. I really sincerely terribly hope that I can realize this resolution, you know, it'll mean a hell LOT to me. I mean, I'm pretty much the laziest girl in the entire universe (if there's alien out there, I outbid them. The thing is, I'm not sure they have gender, whatever, I don't even believe in them) and I'm being in that status for all of my life. It'll make my mom's jaw drops if she sees me studying for once. All I'm capable of is sitting around idling, typing away in my computer, and of course, watch telly and books (novels, not textbooks or revision books). But this is a real important year for me, as I'll be sitting for my SPM exams in this year-end (I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I'M LEAVING MUAR NEXT YEAR, TALK ABOUT CREEPY) and I can't be like this lazy if I want to pass my exams with flying colors (actually, straight As will do, A+s are miracles, mind you) and get into a college and stuff. I mean, I actually have EXPECTATIONS. But all those expectations will crumble if I don't have the mindset to actually study.

Anyway, I shouldn't really be here typing this as I must try to motivate myself (somehow) to study. I'm all so desperate. I'm like, HELP ME, but there's only ME that can help ME. So, I have to figure something to pull me up on shore, so I won't drown. Count on myself, huh. BIG TIME.

Just wanna say something: I NEVER WANTED TO PUKE SO MUCH IN MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE.

Wish me luck (I NEED), and ciao.