Yes. I know I seem like I don't really have a care. Well, it's true. For most of the time, I just don't care. But there's always that time I started to hyperventilate, thinking about how little time I actually have on my hand right now, and the stakes are so high I'm not sure I can get past through it. Self-doubting is very tiring, I'd know.
Anyway, to distract me from all the madness going on,--and to escape reality once in a while--I find myself eating and sleeping a whole lot more than usual. I'm always hungry and no matter how many coffee I allow myself to drink, I still feel exhausted and sleepy. I realize that I'm doing things that can make me get away from studies and piano and all that. I trick myself into thinking that I still have time, and there's no need for me to force myself into military-style of studying.
Apart from binge-eating (which is very, very unhealthy) and the sleep-cycle of a koala bear, I started to read some childhood books of mine, the books I read when I was about ten to twelve. I don't know why I do that, but I have a theory for my behavior. Maybe I'm reading back those books because I want to go back to that time (though I have depression, or something close to that at that time), the time I don't have to worry about what I'm going to be, where I'm going to go and who I really am.
I feel terribly childish reading back those storybooks (and I'm going to read back Enid Blyton's real soon) but it does make me feel a whole lot better. And I also feel like I'm devolving a little, since my book age is going backwards, ha-ha. It's like I'm reading adult fictions, to teen novels, then children bedtime stories and hopefully, the ladybird series about Peter and Jane. God, I love those books.
Also, being stressful definitely help in song-writing. But I'm not going to say a lot about that. I haven't write in my journal for a while, but that's okay. Since I really don't have the time and there's nothing really exciting going on in my life. Just books and books and books and piano.
Thankfully, there's a whole lot of songs coming in my way. Not my songs, the songs on the radio, I mean. And recently, Taylor Swift had a couple of singles released... and to be completely honest, I was shocked. Jaw-dropping, tongue-protruding kind of shock. The lyrics are still her, still beautiful and all, but the melody! It completely changed, and I'm still adjusting myself to this new "her", I guess.
I say music and books help me a lot in overcoming my stresses and escape from reality and all. I just hope that I can continue to stay strong and carry on. Well, at least continue this "strong" act until I finish all of my freaking exams.
Sheesh.
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