How I Deal With Stress

You may think that everything a seventeen-year-old gets are handed on a silvery plate without her breaking a sweat. That is so not true. Trust me, having my SPM closing on me so freaking soon and an ACTL examinations straight afterwards, I'm not having the time of my life. I'm having the disaster of my life. It's like Titanic and tsunami and the end of the world all roll together in one.

Yes. I know I seem like I don't really have a care. Well, it's true. For most of the time, I just don't care. But there's always that time I started to hyperventilate, thinking about how little time I actually have on my hand right now, and the stakes are so high I'm not sure I can get past through it. Self-doubting is very tiring, I'd know. 

Anyway, to distract me from all the madness going on,--and to escape reality once in a while--I find myself eating and sleeping a whole lot more than usual. I'm always hungry and no matter how many coffee I allow myself to drink, I still feel exhausted and sleepy. I realize that I'm doing things that can make me get away from studies and piano and all that. I trick myself into thinking that I still have time, and there's no need for me to force myself into military-style of studying. 

Apart from binge-eating (which is very, very unhealthy) and the sleep-cycle of a koala bear, I started to read some childhood books of mine, the books I read when I was about ten to twelve. I don't know why I do that, but I have a theory for my behavior. Maybe I'm reading back those books because I want to go back to that time (though I have depression, or something close to that at that time), the time I don't have to worry about what I'm going to be, where I'm going to go and who I really am.

I feel terribly childish reading back those storybooks (and I'm going to read back Enid Blyton's real soon) but it does make me feel a whole lot better. And I also feel like I'm devolving a little, since my book age is going backwards, ha-ha. It's like I'm reading adult fictions, to teen novels, then children bedtime stories and hopefully, the ladybird series about Peter and Jane. God, I love those books. 

Also, being stressful definitely help in song-writing. But I'm not going to say a lot about that. I haven't write in my journal for a while, but that's okay. Since I really don't have the time and there's nothing really exciting going on in my life. Just books and books and books and piano. 

Thankfully, there's a whole lot of songs coming in my way. Not my songs, the songs on the radio, I mean. And recently, Taylor Swift had a couple of singles released... and to be completely honest, I was shocked. Jaw-dropping, tongue-protruding kind of shock. The lyrics are still her, still beautiful and all, but the melody! It completely changed, and I'm still adjusting myself to this new "her", I guess.

I say music and books help me a lot in overcoming my stresses and escape from reality and all. I just hope that I can continue to stay strong and carry on. Well, at least continue this "strong" act until I finish all of my freaking exams. 

Sheesh. 

How I Actually Spend My Day

I admit. Sometimes, by odd luck, I got quite good grades in my studies. Plus, most of the girls in my class studied really hard to achieve great results (and trust me, they do get good results) and they just buried their heads in their books every single freaking day. And so, people also assumed that I'm just like them, always stuck my head into thick books and is as smart as Albert freaking Einstein (no offense).

No. No. That is so not the truth. I honestly do not spend my whole day studying history or polishing my maths skill. And no, I'm not that kind of person who actually studies at home but pretend that he or she hasn't studied a single shit and still get straight A-plus. No. 

I do actually study, just that I don't study quite as frequently as the others because I'm the laziest person I've ever known in the entire universe. I only study before exams (mostly the night before, and cursing myself every single time why on earth I didn't study earlier) and I hardly study after exams, because I'm giving myself a "break". A terribly long one, I guess. 

But nobody really believes in me when I told them I didn't study on my daily basis. I don't really know why, or maybe it's that my okay grades misleading them, as usual. I'm not saying that I have terrific results or anything, but it's pretty okay for someone as lazy as me. But that doesn't save me from all the sarcastic comments like, "then you must be so smart, aren't you?" and "it's impossible! you must be lying!" and stuff. Gawd, this is so frustrating. 

So, to clear things off, I've decided to write this post. 

*READ THIS WITH YOUR EYES WIDE OPEN AND STOP ASKING WHY AND HOW*

Sunday to Thursday: 

1. Well, they're all school days (major yikes). I wake up late and struggle to get ready for school in ten minutes, then reach school. 
2. Do whatever I want to in school (write songs, journal, sleep, gossiping around) and pay attention on some occasion.
3. Get home and eat for two hours straight (no joke), take a bath and fool around with my piano (mostly to test the songs I write in school).
4. Watch whatever show that's on the TV and then have my dinner.
5. Shoot off to tuition and get back home and continue to watch TV or read the newspaper and novels.
6. Sleep.

That's basically it. As for the weekends...

Friday:

Friday is the worst day of my entire week.

1. I have literature class in the morning, so I obviously can't sleep in, though it's officially the weekend of the state I'm living in.
2. After bearing through literature class (because I tend to be grumpy when I'm sleepy), I have to get back home and practice my piano, which is the worst thing ever. 
3. Wait forever for my mom to get back so I can have my lunch and continue to thunder on my piano keys.
4. Get to piano lessons then rush back home for dinner and prepare for my chemistry tuition at night.
5. Bear through the tuition and go home to watch TV (the only thing I look forward to).
6. Sleep.

Saturday:

1. Wake up a little bit late, and go to church for youth (but sometimes I tend to skip).
2. Eat lunch.
3. Read some novels and watch TV.
4. Get ready for church at night.
5. Argue on what to eat for dinner and reach church.
6. Finish church and as usual, watch TV.

There. That's what I normally do on my daily basis. Saturday's the most boring day but Friday's the longest. I can't believe how useless I am, wasting every precious second of my day either doing crap or watching crap. Oh my gawd. 

I should do resolutions and self-reflections and all that. I'm the worst human being alive on earth. Brrrrrrrrrr.

But with SPM breathing down my neck (NEXT MONTH OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO PUKE), I guess I should start studying. I mean, honestly, if I wreck my results later, I'll kill myself. Metaphorically, of course. 

And so, I'm going to end this now. I really need to study. Or attempt to study. So that I won't feel so damn guilty about not studying.

Ciao.